Sara was a pretty good student. Better than most of my adult students. But while most of my adult students can be pretty hard on themselves, Sara was brutal. Her standards where unrealistic and when she didn't meet them she was sent into a period of self-loathing and was often on the verge of giving up. When I would try to calm her down and suggest that she was doing just fine she acted as though I was somewhere between condescending and conning her into taking more lessons.
As I looked at the book we were working from I realized that our next lesson was to learn the "F" chord. "Dreaded F chord" more than one student has called it. More than one student has suggested that it is the other "F bomb".
I always hated teaching that chord. It's difficult and demoralizing for both student and teacher. "Just put your fingers here and push down real hard. Keep working on it every day and within a couple of weeks it should sound OK." I know now what I merely suspected then. That is not teaching. It's simply non-information disguised as teaching.
A couple of days before her lesson I woke up about 3:00AM thinking about this and wondering what I was going to do. I hit upon a possible solution a little while later and then went back to sleep.
I was taught to be honest. And that means more than just not cheating folks. So at our next lesson I told Sara my dilemma and made this suggestion. I would give her two free lessons if she would be willing to help me learn how to teach this chord. All she needed to do was to tell me what was or was not working, any discomfort she was feeling, stuff like that. I also needed to know how she was feeling emotionally. If she was going to set her guitar on fire, if she was going to set me on fire, etc.
About mid way through the second lesson she was able to play the F chord. Maybe not as well as she wanted, but she could play it. Then I broke the news to her. As a child learning this chord it took me nearly 3 months just to get a sound. Most of my students worked on it for several weeks just to sound as good as she was doing in a week and a half. The entire process was a huge success.
As I reflected on this experience a few days later I realized how important it had been to be honest with her. But to be honest, that was when I KNEW I was a teacher. Beginning with that 3:00AM episode.