I loved to sing when I was a kid. I learned to play guitar to accompany myself and in the process I fell in love with playing guitar too. But singing was my first love. When I got on stage I was nervous but I did it because that's what musicians were supposed to do......I thought. I was encouraged to perform by my parents, some friends, and a couple of teachers. I got pretty good at it, but I often wondered "When does this get easy?" As it turns out, it rarely gets easy for anyone and isn't supposed to.
I stopped performing when I was 25 and didn't resume for ten years. I took that time to focus on playing guitar better and eventually full time guitar teaching. But I felt like I was copping out. A former student (who was performing professionally) actually yelled at me and accused me of hiding in my studio. And so I went back to performing. But every time I prepared for a concert or recital I was a mess. I was never comfortable on stage and just thinking about it made me a little nuts. My wife would avoid me as much as possible in the days leading up to the event.
I've had a couple of not-too-rare moments where my students have instructed me though. One young teen who had been with me since age 5 had started to perform at a local coffee house. He was getting quite good and so I had a conversation with him about continuing his studies at college and pursuing guitar as a profession. He sat as far back in his chair as he could, stiffened up, and looked at me like I was the anti-christ. I half expected him to cross himself as he emphatically said, "NO". He liked playing but had pretty much exorcised the performance bug from his system.
In a far less dramatic moment an older, more mature student said, "I know I'll never be a concert artist, but I'd like to play that well."
During my first lesson with a middle schooler I mentioned the name of one of my students who went to his school and was the same age. "He plays guitar??" I assured him that his friend not only plays, but plays very well. "We've been best friends since 1st grade. I didn't even know he could play!" As it turned out, no one outside of his family knew. It was a very private matter to him.
Not everyone has the performance gene. It took me a long time to understand this. And if someone plays well they are not obligated to share it with anyone, let alone the whole world. It is a private endeavor and one of the few times in life where we can be selfish. While I can proudly point to a number of professional musicians who have been my student, I can just as proudly point to many others who have happily chosen different career paths but still play guitar for pleasure. Music is for everyone - performance is not.