I was rehearsing with a violinist the other day for an upcoming gig. This guy is awesome. He has a doctorate in violin performance and has a very impressive resume. I don't and it showed. Where he sight-read with ease I fumbled. He was very gracious and patient with me as I clawed my way through the music but I was pretty embarrassed anyway. Oh I know that I will be okay at the gig but it's humbling still.
This past weekend I was teaching a thirteen year old boy. He has been a student since he was five. He not only plays very well now, but is becoming fully immersed in music. He takes rock lessons from another teacher, plays in the school jazz band, has begun piano and violin lessons, and one semester he audited a freshman music theory class at the local college. We were looking at a new song and he did a complete analysis and was making theory references that are barely on the fringe of my knowledge. Then he asked me a couple of questions that I didn't know the answer to. I squirmed a bit in my chair.
These are extreme examples and in no way reflect my daily life in music. They not only keep me humble, but are reminders of how my students must feel when I start to play or explain something. I know that many of my students give me a look of disbelief when I say "I know how you feel".
But I remember the struggles. I didn't begin playing classical music until I was in my twenties. I taught myself. I could only barely read music. I didn't understand the technique required. I didn't even understand the need for proper technique. Because we didn't have the Internet back then information was scarce and usually expensive.
Before that I played folk music. I had a few guitar lesson as a child. After that I was on my own. Luckily my father continued to encourage and support my efforts. But my music education was my choir class in school and my guitar education was largely me mooching knowledge from my friends who played better than me. I would watch them play something cool and I would ask or beg them to show me how they did it. When I confided that I wanted to be a professional they would look at me in complete amazement. "You can barely play". said one, "and you don't know how to do the most basic stuff that a pro does. Gawd, you're an idiot!"
It was and continues to be a struggle. But I love the music, so I keep on going. In short I am not a talented musician just a determined one. My talent, it turns out, is being able to explain to others how something is done and to motivate them through the hard parts. I recognize their frustrations because I've experienced it.......recently. I understand their confusion because I remember being that confused until I found that one more piece of information that unlocked my brain. And I celebrate every little victory of theirs with honest exuberance.
I will never play to large audiences, but my students have. I will never win any competitions, but my students have. I will never teach at a major university but my students do. I will never win any major awards but my students have. Sometimes when I'm feeling pessimistic about this I remember the words of a friend who teaches 3rd Grade. "If I do MY job properly", she said, "eventually all of my students make it to the 4th Grade."
We are all a link in someone else's chain. I guess the trick is to be the strongest link possible.