While still in my twenties I had a student who was always very nervous when she played for me. One day it came to a head. She got nervous, her hands began to tremble, which caused her to make some mistakes, which embarrassed her, which made her more nervous, which made her hands tremble even more, which caused even more mistakes, which........well, you get the idea. Then came the tears, which embarrassed her even more, which only added to the drama. In less than ten minutes she was a complete mess of tears and blotchy red face streaked with running mascara.
Making matters worse, her incredibly huge and tough looking husband was on the other side of the door waiting for her. I was convinced that if he could see her like this my life was in peril. So I spent the remaining lesson trying to cheer her up and simultaneously motivating her to continue playing. It worked and my life was spared. (Okay. Maybe that's a wee exaggeration)
This one moment encapsulated something that I had sensed for quite some time. When my students played for me they would often be so nervous that I couldn't tell if they were making honest mistakes or if they were doing something wrong that I needed to correct. I realized that for me to be an effective teacher my students needed to be very relaxed so they could play at their best. From that day forward I have tried to make my studio a safe place. It all starts with me. I need to comfort them, reassure them, make them laugh, and let them know that I understand the difficulties they face when learning. And for thirty minutes every week the ARE the center of the universe. I've been teaching like this for over 40 years and I'm still trying to get better at it.
I mention this because I heard from a parent recently about another teacher who was teaching one of her children violin. (She assured me that it was at a different studio and she doubted it was anyone that I might know.) This teacher, it seems, spent the entire lesson belittling and berating the child. Calling her names when she made a mistake, and telling her that she didn't have any confidence that the child would be good enough to play in the upcoming recital. It was apparent to me as I listened to the story and apparent to the Mom that the teachers primary concern was not for the child but for her own reputation. Heaven forbid one of her students might play a wrong note. What would the other teachers think?
I've met teachers like this before and quite frankly I don't think very highly of them, their methods, or the results they get. Their students are usually competent but they play for correctness and accuracy more than musicianship or (more importantly), joy. Loosely translated: When you hear them play you know they are getting it right, but you really don't care. And these same teachers have told me that I'm doing it all wrong. When I point out that many of my former students have gone on to successful professional careers, they shrug it off with, "You always get the good students." Funny how that works, huh?
A great teacher can make huge impact on a person, but so can a terrible one. If you or anyone you know is involved with a teacher like this please consider leaving them for a teacher that nourishes creativity and a love for the art. And please do it before one of these emotional bullies steals your passion and dents your self esteem. The good teachers are many and would welcome your presence.