I spend a lot of time alone in my car driving to remote gigs. My round trip may exceed seven hours and I'll only be at the venue for one. During one recent trip I was feeling amused by the whole experience and thinking how different it was from what I imagined as a teenager. Back then I only saw the fun part - the "being on stage" part. Playing cool songs to an adoring audience and getting paid a lot of money. Oh, and let's not forget the groupies. I was a teen age boy remember.
I didn't see the whole picture, of course. The travel time, living out of a suitcase, the administrative stuff that I assumed someone in my entourage would take care of, etc. As a young man beginning my career I was offered advice by some of the "old-timers" but I generally rejected it. They weren't stars. What could they possibly know that would help me?
As time went on my general attitude began to change. I was older, more experienced, and while I won't claim to be much wiser I became a little more knowledgable. Having a wife and children was far better than the "groupie" fantasy and there was contentment in sleeping in my own bed at night.
I discovered other things about myself as well. Although I'm a pretty good entertainer I'm not a great one. And I've never enjoyed it as much as I thought I would. Don't misunderstand, I don't hate it. I like it, but I don't love it. I would actually prefer to work behind the scenes. (Something an entertainer cannot understand.)
I realized that the shift in my attitude was complete when I turned down a recording deal in my late twenties. A small, but prestigious label in San Francisco offered me the opportunity to record a demo. If they liked it we would proceed with a complete album. If the project had been a success it would mean that I would be on tour. Frankly it was not the direction I wanted to go. Perhaps if they had agreed to let me produce.....
I've had some minor success in various aspects of the music business. Not enough to brag about but enough to learn from. Things I can use as a teacher or mentor. And as I get older, my priorities change with my perspective.
I wish I could find those who tried to teach me and offer my apology for being stupid. As I look back I'm grateful for what they taught me. And the information ultimately was quite useful in spite of my best intentions.
Yesterday the shoe was on the other foot. I was talking to a teenage girl who wants to become an entertainer (big star). We discussed colleges and possible options. But as I talked I began to feel like I was talking to myself. I sensed in her the very attitude that I'd had at that same age. And she seemed quite relieved when I cut the conversation short and wished her luck. Getting stuck with an old guy who thinks he understands can be pretty awful. At least that's how I remember it. And so it goes.