I accidentally cut someone off while driving through Grand Rapids the other day. The details don't really matter. The worse part is that it didn't bother me one bit that I did it. As I continued driving I thought about it and only then really started to feel guilty. A couple miles later traffic patterns changed and I had an opportunity to be gracious to the same driver. I took the opportunity and tried to make myself feel a bit better. It helped, but not much.
I'm perfectly capable of being a jerk during a moment of anger or frustration. I'm not capable forgetting about it. It lingers like a bad smell. Oh I'm willing to apologize, but sometimes that's just not enough.
I was thinking about this and a million other things this morning as I read about the horrible shooting (is there any other kind?) in Las Vegas last night. I wasn't going to write my Monday blog because of this awful event. Nothing I have to say will rise above "inadequate". Like most I'm frustrated, afraid, exasperated, and angry. These kind of stories are written too often. Everyone has a person or thing to blame. What none of us has is a proper answer. We've got theories galore, but no concrete answers.
I cannot solve the worlds problems. I'm really not smart enough to even know the correct questions. I know I'm not going to change minds. But I'm also grateful that the driver I cut off wasn't armed and motivated. Perhaps I influenced her actions when I quite obviously let her cut in front of me later.
I also don't believe that there is nothing that can be done. For starters I will try to put my inner jerk on a tighter leash. I will try to be nicer, more polite, and more generous. I'm also tired of being a hypocrite as I enjoy the violence I see in movies and then bemoan the same in real life. I know I will occasionally fail, but that won't keep me from trying.
As an artist and teacher I will try to flood the world with beauty, patience, forgiveness. I know it's not much but it's better than wringing my hands and pointing a blaming finger. I invite you to join me. Acts of kindness, random or organized, are always welcome. The cynic will label it naive, but I prefer "hopeful".